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mango_jojo
Apr. 12th, 2007
05:05 pm
Today is a day that goes down in the history books.
I had my very first finger-biter in my chair today.
Tried to bite my finger right off.
But thank you, finger-biter, for not drawing blood, or for really hurting me that much.
gloomyNov. 11th, 2006
12:19 am
can't deal. cannot deal with all this drama. again and again and again. i can't do it. i can't.
crushedOct. 29th, 2006
06:21 pm
tomorrow starts semester #4. my final semester. i am so close yet so far from being done...i'm nervous...about finding clients...and passing a specific class...i'm nervous that it's so close to the end...what happens when i'm done? i guess the rest of my life starts...i dunno....just really nervous, and i have butterflies in my tummy over it. almost there. almost finished.
determinedSep. 29th, 2006
10:30 pm
sooooo much work, sooooo much stress......i only have 7 clinics left, and i have at least 5 of them booked for debridement, and then all 3 clients have to come back for chart audtis and shit.....i dont even have my requirements done...
lovely.
whatever, it's almost break time, i can;t wait....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so tired
i hate waking up at 530-6 everymorning for my clinic....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and what, did we just decide to skip fall this year, and go straight to winter? it's bloody freezing!!!! i want my autumn.....none of this "today's high will be 11 degrees".....i want my fall back!!!
ok, brrrrrrrrr
goodnite
coldAug. 18th, 2006
11:05 pm
i hate this. i do not want to do this, yet i keep pushing myself, and spending the time and the money to complete this, and be set for life. i am doing smething i do not want to do. regardless, i need to finish waht i started, but not when i feel like i do. i cannot keep coming home day after day crying because it is so stressful, so exhausting, so difficult.
it's taking such a toll on me physically and emotionally that it is literally making me sick. waking up with nosebleeds everymorning...migraines that literally incapacitate me....for what? to continue for the next 7 months of my life to live like this, to complete this, to write an exam which i may not even pass, and in which case this has all been for nothing. i'm afraid to be in public, because it's constantly on my mind, and i constantly keep breakign down...i've never felt like this before... it's not normal....i dont feel normal, i feel like a complete failure.
depressedAug. 7th, 2006
10:33 pm
well, tomorrow i begin seeing real patients...or "clients"....i'm a little nervous, and i'm not sure how i'm going to be able to find 30 people who have the time to spare to come and be treated....so far, i have will coming in tomorrow to b my first, and no one on thursday, and hopefully whitney on friday...and then hopefully everyone weill be able to come back every day next week that i need...i dunno....so if anyone reading this can come and be a patient, it will be VERY greatly appreciated....
worriedJun. 12th, 2006
08:18 am
well, it begins again.....
semester 3 of 4 starts today......time to change my ways, and bring up my B's to some kick ass A's!!
wish me luck!!!!
P.S. WELCOME HOME TAL!!!!!
P.P.S. GOOD LUCK LISA ON YOUR EXAM!!!!
determinedMay. 21st, 2006
05:20 am
IT'S 5:30 in the FUCKING morning. MY FUCKING NECK AND BACK. WHAT THE FUCK? WHY CAN'T I GET BETTER?? I HAVE TO SLEEP. I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR THE PAST HOUR AND A HALF. IT'S MY LAST WEEKEND TO SLEEP. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??????
pissed offMay. 4th, 2006
03:56 pm
first off, to those of you who i saw last night at starbucks:
i'm sorry i didn't have a chance to come over and say hello, so i'm saying it now: HELLO!!! :)
ok, and so yesterday was quite the day....i went shopping at 3 different malls.....sherway gardens, which is very nice, but not worth the drive.....vaughan mills which i hate, and then i went to yorkdale....i bought some nice stuff, including a nice new pair of lululemon pants....so i'm happy.....and then last night i met that guy for coffee....of first of all, i wouldn't have recognized him at all lol, so i'm glad he found me.....and not that i'm shallow or anything, but i was hoping he would be better looking, but honestly, he made up for it in personality...but in any case, we had a great conversation, with little to no awkwardness....i dont know, but just talking came easy, which is weird with me, cuz i usually get so nervous, that i barely talk......but so i dunno, he's different....like today iwas thinking about it, and i dunno, it just makes me smile, because we had such a good time...so yah, i twas definately worth meeting him, and i'll just leave it at that...
in other news, my school director and a teacher both pulled me aside, at different times and days, to tell me how impressed they are with me, about how i've been able to pull up my marks, and that ive made quite the turn around....so that's always good.....i still have 3 exams left to write, but the one tomorrow will be a breeze.......i just want school to be over so i can enjoy my 2 week summer.......i need some time to live stress free......even if it is just 2 weeks....
cheerfulApr. 27th, 2006
10:30 pm
waaaay too many exams left to go...everyone is all excited that they're done school for the summer, and i'm really happy for everyone as well, i'm glad that everyone had succeeded with their school work and now you all get to enjoy a much needed summer break!!!!
my summer break consists of 2 weeks, and the first one, i have 2 more exams to write....so this is really going to be one of the hardest summers ever.....i'm not looking forward to it....
but oh well....
alrite, on another note, i still haven't called him back....it's funny to call him jack though, when i always knew him as jackie.....like the name mark.....when mark was little, he was called markie lol....but yah....so i've let almost a week go by without callin ghim back, i'm such a bitch lol.....but oh well, i'll call him on sunday i guess, because saturday i have the bar mitzvah....or maybe i'll call him saturday afternoon before i get ready for the thing at night....i dunno....
i think the big question here is, why the fuck am i stressing about this???
oh steph, amanda bitton came into my store tonight, her friend bought multi's....it was nice to see her.......
ok back to studying for pharmacology......yay drugs!
anxiousApr. 15th, 2006
11:22 pm
so this is my long overdue entry about nothing in particular......i really don't feel like being a kvetch, so i guess that's a good thing!!!
so let's see what's going on in the world of jordanna lately.......
well, 2 of my puppies were spayed on tuesday, and they're healing nicely.....Tyson, the big puppy keeps peeing all over the kitchen....and because he's so big, and he's still so young, he can't help it, but when he pees it's like a lake. it's gross. but oddly amusing.....
Passover is here, and so far so good, i've managed to keep it thus far.....i'm usually really bad, and by the end of the second night, i'll have already had a big mac, but this year, i'm doing great!!! let's hope i can keep it up, maybe i'll lose some weight, too!! But yah, my seder's went quite well, lots of yummy food, ate to the point of almost exploding, but hey, that's what the holidays are all about!!!
School is still stressful, i have a major exam on monday that i'm failing....i need to get 97% on it to pass the class......but whatever, i can write the supplementary in may, so it's no biggie....i've realized that this semester i really slacked off, and stopped caring, which is really no good. I'm spending a lot of time money and energy on this, and regardless of how much i don't want to be a hygienist, i need to start focusing and passing everything. It's almost over, i'll be done in march, and that will be that.
I keep getting to this "wall" that is saying you have to stop here, and move on with your own life. I'm not quite sure what this means, but i keep feeling like i need to stop everything that i'm doing, and just pick up and go off on my own, for an indefinite amount of time. I've been up against this wall now for almost a year, and i figure that if i can hang on that long, i can continue until march. And when school is over i can finally break the wall and go on with my life.
Okay, now that that's said.....what else......
At the end of the month, i have a barmitzvah to go to, i have 2 really pretty dresses that i'll get to wear, and hey maybe there will be other 20 yr old jewish guys there, and maybe one of the will be really hot!!! that will make it so much better!!!
Boys are crazy, and i just need to man-up and cut myself off of all the negative things that surround me.
I'll let you know when that happens .....
contemplativeApr. 7th, 2006
12:03 pm - blah
there is a reason why i hate going to school with all girls. let's face it now, i can be REALLY bitchy when i want to be. then again, so can a school full of girls. people blame it on PMS, but honestly, if you piss me off, you'd better believe you're going to hear it,t hat's all there is to it. and i dont think that goes for just me.......
so honestly, i don't usually hold grudges, so why hold one on me then?? i wasn't offensive, if anything i was the one being offended, so what do i have to apologize for??
yes, to those that don't know the story behind this, i'm sounding incredibly immature.
but really, is it even worth it??
THIS IS WHY I DO NOT LIKE GROUP WORK.......Jordanna and group work are simply not friends. that's all there is to it.
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
so much drama and politics, involving people who are not exactly the brightest crayons in the box......i mean, if you grew up in ontario, and went through the high school system h ere, should you not know who hitler was??? or Stalin??? granted, you might not know anything in detail, but you should definately have heard these names at some point......these people actually thought the nazi's were jews, and they killed all the germans.....imagine that....when this girl turns to me and goes "you're people were horrible". i didn't know whether to laugh or punch her, for not knowing what the hell she was talking about.......
i can't deal with the stupidity that goes on here, it's like a cult.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
ok end of rant.
infuriatedApr. 1st, 2006
10:46 pm
i can't wait till may, when we go away!!!! there's so much to do between now and then though, like finish this semester.....i can't wait till its over,, because next semester, there's only 2 or 3 theory classes, and the rest are practicals, which is good.....turns out my highest mark is in my clinic, so hey, at least i'm doing something right!!!!
this weekend i'm in a CPR/first aid course that i chose to do on my own,and not with the school......turns out that was the best thing, because my certification will be valid for 3 years, and everyone who's doing it through the school will be valid ofor only 1 year......plus my instructor is really hot....he's irish, he's a medic, and he's only 22....BUT his name is mike......booooooo lol
but yah, so that's about that......my mom and sister are both sick, each with a fever at about 101 degrees which is not good.....i feel like i should do something, but on the other hand, i can't afford to get sick right now, so i dont know.....i feel bad for them though, but they'll get through it.....
most importantly,
I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE GO AWAY!!!!!!! the one week will be literally my whole summer, so i'd better make the best of it!!!!
drainedMar. 26th, 2006
10:50 am - :(
well, the past two weekends have ended up being kind of crappy.....last weekend, for st. paddy's day i went to a bar with friends, although it was made VERY clear to me by a certain someone that iw asn't wanted, because it would be "too awkward". whatever, it's never been awkward before, and we chill more often than i do with other firends, so dont give me that bullshit. but whatever, it obiouly erupted into an argument, and i figured by now it was solved. well the EXACT samet hing happened again on friday, so at that point, i figured, there's no point in going, so i didn't. once again, it became an argument, and it was suposedly resolved, done, finished, buh bye. we then made plans to see a movie saturday night, so when we speak, i'm told he doesn't want to see a movie. that's fine, we can always do somethign else, not a big deal. then i'm told, that he only has less then half an hour to spend with me, as he now has plans to go drinking with other people. so fuck that. i can take a hint, stop ditching me, and just tell me you dont give a shit anymore, and i'll leave you alone. stop stringing me along, like a puppet. i am so aggravated, it's not even a joke.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
pissed offMar. 23rd, 2006
12:23 pm
hahahahaha
funny thing today
so this morning, i was in my clinic, and one of the instructors was teaching me and one of my friends how to roll the instrument between your fingers, and she goes, yah just roll it like a spliff.
i'm sorry, but i just died, it was too funny.....
Mar. 14th, 2006
11:38 am
well, this is how it's been going
the past 2 weeks or so have been filled with utter and complete confusion. i feel like my entire life is slowly unraveling out of control.
absolutely everything that could go wrong, has, all at once.
i am looking forward to my trip with the girlies in may, but, the need to leave here, and leave everything behind is just constantly growing.
i feel like i'm 2 inches tall right now, and i'm sick of it. i hate this. so much. i want it to be over, i want school to end, i hate it. i want to quit my job, i hate my manager. it's not my fault that i need to start later on some days, or cant work at all on others, i'm just a part timer, that's it. so stop giving me shit about it.
i feel so lost, like what am i supposed to do when i'm done school? i finish next march, i can't write my boards until may, so right there what doi do with the time? and what about when i write my boards? do i just stay here, and get a job, and live the life i've never wanted?? i've never wanted to be a hygienist, and more importantly, i've never ever wanted to live my life in toronto, or even in canada. it honestly scares the hell out of me, that the way things are looking right now,imay end up living the exact life that i promised myself i would never have.
i'm just so all over the place, and i hate it!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i want to have my head back on straight, and know what's going on, and know what i want out of life, and make it happen. it's that simple. and i will get back on that track eventually, just not quite sure when.......
crappyFeb. 24th, 2006
12:36 am
fucking day from hell.
i am this close to dropping out of school, and telling each and every one of those assholes who like to call themselves "teachers" to kiss my ass.
i'm in clinic the other day, and my friend and i got split up, so i got fucking shafted to the corner, next to the all mighty wall, and the insightful window.....they're interesting to talk to, but they don't have much to say......
so today i got up to ask my friend a legit. question, because she had already gotten evaluated, and i need clarification for something. so my teacher goes" JORDANNA!! WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE TALKING???"
I go "I'M ASKING A QUESTION"
she goes "ASK SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU"
i go "WHO??? THE WALL, THE WINDOW, OR THE EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO ME??? WHICH ONE WOULD YOU RECCOMEND??"
i went to sit down, and i'm fucking pissed. stop fucking singleing me out. fuck you, i'm not in high school.
so p.s. i got evaluated, and i did well, and then i went to the washroom to wash my hands, and my friend followed me....so we're in the bathroom, talking for a secone, and then we walk out and the fucking teacher was WAITING for us!!!!! so she pulled us into a room, and starts yelling at us. when my friend said tht we're being singled out, she goes, well, you two are the worst culprits of talking int he class.
FUCK YOU, CRAZY PSYCHO BITCH
so whatever, she kicked my friend out and sent her back to class, and now it's just me and her. she starts yelling at me for getting up out of my seat, so once again, i asked who was batter to ask for help.
she then tells me to ask pther people around me, and i'm like "no, i'll ask someone who's been evaluated, and who is much more reelaxed. why would i go and ruin someone's concetration before they get evaluated??? that's not fair"
and then i added "and gd forbid you help on evaluation days, just because last class i was ok with everything, who is tosay that today i just can't get my angulation right???? and since we're suddenly not allowed to be reevaluated, i'm going to ask who ever i want to ask, because you don't give a shit."
so what does she say to that???
"ok jordanna, you can move your seat if you want."
at that point, it was fucking irrelevant. but whatever, with this "school" i guess i'll take what i can get.
then my friend's dad called, and the teacher says '" i moved lauren away from jordanna, because jordanna just brings everyone around her down"
i've never felt so hurt, and yet enraged in my whole life. i'm not a bad kid. i never got into trouble like this in high school, and only once, in grade 3 was i sent out of the room for telling some kid to shut up.......and now, im bringing everone down????? who is she to judge me like that????
i want to drop out. these people are taking my money, and everyone else's money, and none of us feel that we are getting anything out of it. i'd say that's pretty damn depressing, if you ask me.
everything is so damn stressful lately. i can't deal with this. i'm fighting with everyone, i'm getting upset and angry over things that make no sense, and i feel like i'm about to have a whole breakdown. i can't deal with all of this stress anymore. i dont need this. i need to get away.....
sickFeb. 16th, 2006
11:35 pm
so my dad's home, and that's always fun....
this whole week he's been taking me to school so he can borrow my car, and that's really not a problem. i mean, this time, he's filling up gas, and hey, he even bought me an air freshner. all i asked of him was that he not smoke in my car. it's taken me a while to get rid of the smoke smell that it had when i first got it, and hey, even the stale orange smell that i have no idea where it came from, is better than smoke.
well.
i get in my car this afternoon to go to work. ashes all over the dashboard. and does it stink. i felt like i was going to get lung cancer and emphysema just sitting in the car for 10 min. i flipped. i called my mom, and she new right away why i was calling, and she told me she already flipped about it. so fine, whatever. it's over.
so i called the house later on, and my dad answers, and you hear my mom yelling at him to apologize for me. so i told him how he needs to respect my car, and he turns around and goes you have crap all over your car.....and i'm like "i'm paying for it, it's my car, and i can have whatever i want all over it. when i ask you not to smoke, i would thin you could respect that"
and his response "well, the car is in my name"
i went berzerk. so i go "yah, no problem. start paying for it then. and dont hink that just cuz you fill up the gas that you're using gives you any right to it."
p.s. my mom flipped on him again, and for me, it's like whatever, i don't care, i just dont want him doing it again.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, i can't wait till he goes back.
eeew, and when he yawns, you hear his jaw pop. not even crack, but pop. yoi know that's a HUGE TMJ issue right there. yuck.
so much rage for him.
enragedFeb. 8th, 2006
11:46 pm
so i clearly have no life.
i just wrote a comment to steph that's probably longer then this will be......lol fell better!!!
okay, so lets see what's been going on in the world of jordanna lately......
well, i've applied to algonquin, and now i just sit and wait.....i really hope i get in.....i can't deal with my school anymore. the other day, i was in clinic and was being tested on a universal curette, and the teacher was so discreet with everyone, when she was telling them their faults, but with me, she just fucking yelled them "Jordanna, you're in the wrong clock position, you're supposed to be at 10-11, not at 9:45". first of all, fuck her for yelling that, and secondly, 9:45???? fuck her for that. i don't see a clock anywhere, as far as i knew, it's supposed to be approximate. fuck her. and then she came around me to watch me do more teeth, and she was so close that she was literally breathing on my neck. i was already feeling the rage building up, but when that happened, i was about to spaz on her. i wanted to stab her with the curette, and just yell at her to get away from me. then she has the nerve to tell me my hand was shaking. well duh. of course it was, it was all the rage built up, she's lucky i didn't flip out.....and then today i had a midterm on head and neck anatomy....same teacher as the clinic one, so you could imagine the rage......but whatever, i think i did pretty well on it.....so we'll wait and see......
another thing, i've been really cunfused lately......family is supposed to be there for you, no matter what, right?? and they're supposed to be the most trustworthy people, right??? well, in my case, that's very very wrong. it's amazing how you can think someone is honest, and trustworthy, and then the next minute, you realize that everything you've ever thought about a person was so wrong. it makes me wonder if i can really judge good character or not......like, it just really makes me wonder....and i've also taken a step bck to look at my family as a whole, and i've realized that - for the most part - they are not good people. i mean my mom is a relatively good person, and i guess so is my dad, but even they have their flaws....but i mean, look at my bubby, and i love her more than anything, but she's not a good person, i look at my aunts, they're not good people, with all the lies and deceit that has gone on over the years, and then i look at my dad's side, with my grandparents kicking me out of their house because i left a spoon in the sink, and my aunt who told my mom how disgusted she is that my mom would leave me at their house in the frst place......it makes me wonder what kind of person i really am......i like to think i'm an honest person, i have a lot of self-confidence, and i think i have a good, responsible head on my shoulders, but then i look at everything that has gone on through my family, and i wonder, am i like them too??? or at least, am i destined to be like them???? i have worked my whole life to be as honest as i could, because i've seen what dishonesty can do, and yet, is it all for nothing?????
i dunno, it just really makes me sad, to see what people can do to those they supposedly love......and i just hope to g-d that i don't ever do that to anyone. it's awful, and i feel awful, just sitting on the sidelines and being a spectator.......
i just want to go away, and be on my own, and build my own life, from the bottom up. and one day, when i have kids, i will raise them to be good, honest hardworking people. i don't know what else i can do.
it just makes me sad.
sadJan. 25th, 2006
08:17 am
well, my mom called george brown and algonquin yesterday, and algonquin said that i have a chance to transfer, i just have to apply thru OCAS and send them my transcripts, along with my course outlines of my courses i've already taken. George brown has to call us back, so i just have to wait on that one. But i'm excited now, hopefully i can get into either school, and get the hell out of here.....the good thing is, i'll go into 3rd semester at algonquin, and i just may have to take some 2nd semester courses, incase i haven't taken them yet.....and apparently eden and whitney both applied to algonquin also, so who knows? maybe we'll all move in together and be roomies!!!
either way, i'm glad to know i have a chance, and now i just have to focus on keeping my marks up for the rest of the semester, and keep my fingers crossed that either school will accept me.
the weird thing is, my mom seems to be encouraging me to go to algonquin, event hough it's in ottawa....lol......it's good.......but she doesn't want me to go to canadore, she doesn't want me to go to northbay.....normal??? no....lol
but yah, i'm just happy that i have the chance!!!!!!!! wish me luck!!!!!
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